1 Timothy 1:12–20
12
I thank him who has given me strength, Christ Jesus our Lord, because he judged me faithful, appointing me to his service, 13
though formerly I was a blasphemer, persecutor, and insolent opponent. But I received mercy because I had acted ignorantly in unbelief, 14
and the grace of our Lord overflowed for me with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. 15
The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost. 16
But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display his perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in him for eternal life. 17
To the King of the ages, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory forever and ever. Amen. This charge I entrust to you, Timothy, my child, in accordance with the prophecies previously made about you, that by them you may wage the good warfare, 19
holding faith and a good conscience. By rejecting this, some have made shipwreck of their faith, 20
among whom are Hymenaeus and Alexander, whom I have handed over to Satan that they may learn not to blaspheme.
In verse 15 the apostle mentions one of the five “faithful sayings” that we find in the Pastoral letters, and this formula is found nowhere else in the New Testament or in Jewish
writings of that period.
And this is one that should be written on the hearts of all believers: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, and then Paul adds, of whom I am the foremost.
What are we to make of Paul saying that he is the chief of sinners as other translations put it? Did Paul really think that he was the worst sinner, or is this just false humility
or hyperbole to make a point?
Paul was a man who knew himself…knew his heart. He was very aware as we read elsewhere of just how sin can wrap itself around your heart and how difficult it is to put it to
death. He knew HISheart and life and knew it intimately…he didn’t know anyone else’s in the same way that he knew his own. I think this is what any genuine Xn who understands the depths of their own malevolence would say…I know my heart…not yours
and from that perspective…I am a greater sinner than you all.
Here is what Dietrich Bonhoeffer said in his exquisite book, Life Together: “There
can be no genuine acknowledgment of sin that does not lead to this extremity. If my sinfulness appears to me to be in any way smaller or less detestable in comparison with the sins of others, I am still not recognizing my sinfulness at all. My sin is of necessity
the worst, the most grievous, the most reprehensible. Brotherly love will find any number of extenuations for the sins of others; only for my sin is there no apology whatsoever. Therefore, my sin is the worst…”
Lay this down for a law: The more honest you are about yourself, your sin, your motives, all that runs through your mind, the envy, the bitterness, the self-centeredness, the
lust…all of it…honestly brought to the front of your thinking and then to your knees…because you know…if you are to be free of the wickedness that seeks to own you, it will only be because the grace of God in Jesus Christ is greater than all your sin.
If you know this, truly know it…you will flee to Christ daily and you will see that without Him…YOU, not Paul, not David Berkowitz…YOU…are the chief of sinners.
And notice that the remembrance of his sinfulness does not lead him into morbid introspection…if that is the case for you…you think of your sins of the past, and the struggles
with sin that you now fight and sometimes lose…and you end up in depression…not able to move into the light, then perhaps you really don’t understand grace as you think you do.
In verse 17, Paul is moved to glorious doxology! He praises God as the King, as the one beyond the limitation of time. He praises Him as the Savior, incapable of dying, invisible,
the One who alone is God…In one breath Paul says, I am the chief of sinners and in the next he is praising God for who He is as the One who saves sinners!!!
We have spoken in the past of the importance of knowing yourself: Of looking back and seeing what it is that has made you the way you are; especially of understanding why your
particular temptations and sins are so prominent in your life.
Perhaps you have had rejection in your life, as a child or as an adult. Folks in your life who should have loved you, didn’t…or maybe they did but they never told you that they
love you…never said I am proud of you. Remember, saying “I love you” is not information…it is food. Life has been just one disappointment after another.
When that happens, folks will often spend their life looking for affirmation, looking for a “good job”…We all need that, but if we look for it anywhere other than Jesus, we will
get lost.
And if you find yourself looking for affirmations anywhere other than in the Savior, then you will HAVE to hide…not let folks see the real you, because if people really knew you,
really knew what is inside of you…well then…you will never get the affirmations you are craving.
So, you have to look at your formations, your influences, your experiences, all of it, so that you know not just that you are hiding who you really are…but WHY you are
doing this…and why, in the end, it will destroy you.
You must do that, but I warn you this kind of honest self-examination is dangerous because often we can make one of two mistakes. One, we sit down in our mess and become even
more self-absorbed than we already are…or second, we start to blame others for the mess we find ourselves in.
Paul did neither. He didn’t blame his teacher Gamaliel. He didn’t blame his parents for pushing him into being a Pharisee. He didn’t blame the traumas of his growing up.
He owed his sin. Fully owned it. And then in seeing the glory of God’s grace and mercy, he gave Himself to the One who would set him free.
Prayer: Father, what a humbling truth for me to think on, that Christ Jesus has endured the judgement that was rightly mine! Oh, what love and mercy have I received!
Help me Father to see what a joy and what a life I have been given by grace and keep, I pray, my eyes fixed, not on what I am doing, but what Jesus has accomplished for me, I pray in Jesus name, Amen.
Hymn: All Ye that Fear Jehovah’s Name
